I didn’t mean for this post to cause a bunch of arguing in the comments =(
I thought this was just some gallows humor (e.g. “Everything’s lovely except that I have to fear for my safety all the time”) type of shitpost that sounded similar to comments I’ve heard from women irl a lot.
I’m tired of feeling alienated for being male. I’m tired of the default consideration for what a man is being a rapist and a murderer; someone dangerous not to be implicitly trusted; someone you should own a gun to protect yourself from. I’m tired of being labelled a cis man because saying just man would imply that trans men could ever be monsters like us. I go out wearing a skirt and heels and I am trusted, women approach me, give me compliments, ask me for directions. I go out without shaving and am embraced by callousness. If I could ask one thing, if you wouldn’t be comfortable using the word “brother,” “father,” “son,” “boyfriend” or “husband,” don’t use the word “man” or “men.” Use another word. A murderer doesn’t have to be tied to their gender.
I’m sorry it bothers you like that.
I personally don’t feel alienated or attacked at all by the kinds of comments you are describing. When I see a comment like “men murder women”, I think of it in the same kind of way comments like “humans are horrible” or “Australians are racist” or “young people have no attention span”… That is to say it describes a trend or someone’s perception of a tendency but does not refer to any specific individual.
People aren’t saying these things to attack you. They are saying them to communicate their own feelings of being unsafe. And to be frank, feeling that you shouldn’t go for a walk at night because it is too dangerous is a pretty serious thing which has obvious negative effects - and the concern is based in reality. It isn’t just a perception problem. So we should take these comments seriously - not just complain about the people saying them.
How do you feel when someone says women are whores, Germans are Nazis or Africans are slaves? I feel offended and outraged. I don’t care if there are women who work as prostitutes, that most Nazis were Germans and that the trans-atlantic slave trade systematically enslaved a culture group. It’s irrelevant. You’re discriminating and dehumanising these people. But in these times it’s normal to hear men are trash, they’re rapists, they murder. So people are numb to it. They don’t care about it. They will justify it by insisting men are of a position of privilege. That all men intentionally built a patriarchal society to indulge themselves. The men I know are just people. They want change. They are being alienated and that alienation drives them towards those that actually are the thing people claim men are.
I think you said it well “we should take these comments seriously - not just complain about the people saying them.” I just wish people would say it about men.
Imagine if you had to deal with actually being targeted as a minority or woman. You’d be so mad, dude.
I’m a guy who dresses like a girl. I get cat called, threatened to be raped and then called a faggot and thrown into a position where I have to physically defend myself. Yet as you have so eloquently shown people who aren’t horny for me, see me as a man first. My privilege is assumed and as such I am not granted the community that the above white woman automatically receives. I am fucking mad. You’re looking at injustice passively, like it’s my fault.
Where is your fucking anger?
I’m not angry at women for fearing violent abuse from men. I think you’re misdirecting this A LOT. If as a person you hear ‘‘men might kill me’’ and you think ‘‘poor poor men, why can’t they catch a break’’ your problem isn’t passive adittudes to bigotry, it’s having no idea that other people have problems and fears and threats and they are as upset about them as you would be in their shoes.
My problem is going up to men and proclaiming “men might kill me” and expecting that to go over well. Like let me just walk up to someone transgender and exclaim “transgender people might rape my children.” That is objectively such a horrific thing to say. But no one cares when you say it about men. Because a man obviously will actually kill you 🙄
Are you mad at trans people when they say they aren’t going to be safe in a men’s bathroom? Because they won’t be. I Don’t know why it’s the man part of the statement that you are so upset by. I’m also a man. I’m not hurt by this entirely justified fear that women have.
AGAIN. You are attacking women for fearing men, because they aren’t being sensitive enough to men while expressing fear for their life. This isn’t about men’s feelings. It’s about the women’s feelings. It’s OK to express entirely justified fears.
I’ve been a person who’s had to help document stalking, to help get restraining orders, to put policy in place to prevent men targeting young women. This is a part of running any open to the public business where women work, or frequent. You have to know this as a matter of business management that when a worker or shopper says ‘‘I don’t know this man following or talking to me, and I’m getting scared’’ that you need to take it seriously, and also be aware your two steps behind. It shouldn’t get to that point.
You have to notice when a guy comes in twice to talk to the same cashier, you have to pull them off the floor everytime he comes back, and if he asks once about that staff member, you HAVE to start paperwork. That’s the crucial point. That’s where if you do nothing, someone can get hurt or killed.
THAT EARLY is when you need to have paperwork, offical trespassing complaints, restraining orders, that’s when you need to know that man has been pushed back enough to pull his head out of his ass and realize the high school or college age girl at a shirt folding store isn’t going to fall in love with him, and some pressure to let him know, you’ve already been caught, you can’t get away with it, you’ll never get away with it.
Women deal with this EVERY SINGLE DAY they go out into public alone. I had to learn this. I had no idea it was this bad, I childishly thought cat calling was a thing that only happened in like three different streets in NYC or Boston. Not so. There’s guys with a wife and kids in his 40s driving to work in my small town who will roll down their window and scream obscene things at high school kids they think are hot walking to school.
No I’m not. I’m just saying I feel alienated when the term men is used as a substitute for murderer. I think you should read my original comment again.
How many examples are there of trans people raping children?
How many examples of men raping women are there?
I’m a male and I’m not getting wounding up about this. Grow up.
At least one of each. Both are ridiculous statements drawn up by the delusional to push an agenda. You are getting wound up about me defending men due to a ridiculous statement in the same way I am getting wound up about a ridiculous statement that “others” men.
I just think you sound a bit silly mate.
Yeah, fair. It’s hard when you care about something
You are not alone in feeling that. Everyone being angry about this in here probably feels the same. And it’s incredibly ingenuine to on one hand say this post communicates feelings about fear of going outside and/or men, while simultaneously dismissing feelings of anger at being called a murderer.
My own comment being dismissive of this post (because it’s a shitpost, that’s the literal community here) was deleted.
Another one where I say “women lie” is being downvoted and it was (softly) implied I’m a murderer for saying this (The comment says “You are the man we are afraid of”, context is “men like to murder” as of the OP). The reply and votes to the “women lie” one means people do in fact notice that an overgeneralization hurts. They just don’t care if it hurts men. Presumably because “men are murderers” and are thus not allowed a voice besides belittling themselves.
It’s just sad.
I made a reply to blind3rdeye where I mirrored some of your sentiments. I have a hard time finding mutual empathy with people. When anyone talks about the unique pain of belonging to certain groups I try my hardest to trust them. I do this because of how much dismissiveness there is of men’s issues.
I get that. I found myself on the side of vegans after a post mocked them for being a vegan while the nature they’re protecting is not, and comments then clowning on the vegans that showed up. “How do you know they’re vegan? They’ll tell you.” Kind of stuff. I’m not vegan but I really don’t like this kind of baiting.
My comments were way better received then.
I like what you wrote in the other comment, btw.