My son will be 13 months on the 16th. This evening has been particularly rough. It started with my pom escaping the fence during dinner. So I had to interrupt my son eating and go collect my dog. Then he decided he didn’t want to finish eating or basically even start eating. I put him in the bath since that always helps. It helped until I took him out.
So I was trying to get him dressed for bed since he was just absolutely tired. Well while wrestling him to get a diaper on. He keeps alligator rolling. I just snapped and yelled at him. But he was so focused on his own screaming that he didn’t even flinch.
I feel like a failure. After that I finally succeeded in getting a diaper on him then. Tried to nurse him to sleep like we usually do. NOPE. continued to scream and fight sleep. After about 10 minutes, I gave up and just put him in the crib. He fought sleep for another 5 minutes then crashed.
Earlier I checked him for a fever or anything physical that needed medical attention. He was just exhausted 😞
You’re doing great. These tiny humans are very stressful and can be very difficult. It’s hard for everyone when they have limited means of communication. You are human, with human reactions. Be gentle with yourself.
I’m sorry that happened, days like that are so hard. My wife and I have both been there.
My youngest used to alligator roll as well when we changed his diaper. We started changing him on the carpeted floor with a little towel under him. If he started rolling, I’d gently arch my leg over his chest with the back of my knee centered on him. I’d only put a little bit of the weight of my leg on him, just enough to prevent him from flipping over. It helped a lot and eventually he grew out of it.
My wife and I used to tag-team. Only one person got to lose it at a time. As soon as one person got that distant, exasperated look, Parent 2 jumped in and Parent 1 could go cool down, watch a show, have a drink, or take a bath. If solo, we’d use distraction and humor. If too much, you stick them in a playpen with toys and let them self-sooth.
If it’s any consolation, they won’t remember diddly-squat of anything that happened before ages 5-6.
Oh damn.
The story you just told paints a totally different picture than the title.
From the title, I was expecting to hear you were shooting up instead of taking care of them, or trying to stay drunk and dropping them or something.
But what happened was a stressed out human being very human and doing something every parent has done: yelled during times of frustration. Wait until he’s a teenager, and holy shit, you’ll be yelling even more, even if you manage to do it into a pillow so it doesn’t give you a headache.
No bullshit, I have done neonatal care a handful of times, and pediatric a few dozen that included kids under 2.
Preverbal kids that are tired and pissy would drive the pope to smoke a blunt. Their screams are supposedly developed by evolution to rip right through our skulls so we can hear them At a distance, and have a visceral response that drives us to action.
How the fuck would you not reach a point where you scream too? You can’t always step away for an emotional break, and you don’t have the luxury I had when taking care of babies on the job: knowing the shift is going to end.
Even away from work, babysitting family, the knowledge that it has an end point is such a safety valve when a baby is sick or hungry or tired and mad about it.
An actual mom or dad? That’s brutal, and the first few years when sweetening screaming is all they can really do to express their needs, that’s Cannibal Corpse levels of brutality.
You didn’t fail, you climbed the fucking mountain and planted your flag.
I’m not just playing being supportive because it’s what people are supposed to do. Genuinely, you had a hard fucking day and got through it with your baby in bed, sleeping, healthy, and even managed to get the little bugger dressed. And all you did was scream a little? Lady, I don’t know you, but I’d hug your neck and brag about how well you did if I was there.
13 months of one of the most stressful, exhausting things a human can do, and you yelled a little? That’s beast mode. I’d worry if you didn’t have the need to let out stress with a scream, or a good cry, or pacing a hole in the carpet, or something. Babies are hard, even when they’re on the easy side of things. An easy baby is still harder than most things anyone will do in life.
I’ve sat with people, holding their hands when they drew their last breath, and taking care of babies is harder. I’ve had adults shit on my head on purpose, and babies are harder. And every single baby I’ve taken care of, I got to hand off to someone else and could have just refused to go back.
Nah, you aren’t a horrible mother. You’re human, and you handled your shit in an appropriate and efficient manner.
This is incredibly validating and kind. You should be a life coach.
I’m not a parent, but nothing you described there sounded unusual or horrible. Shooting up heroine with your baby in the microwave is horrible, you just ran out of patience.
I just feel horrible. I never wanted to yell like that at him 😭
The fact that you recognize this is huge. The feelings you have now will help motivate patience in the future. Unfortunately not all parents have the same self awareness as you. Take this as a learning experience and commit to being the good parent you truly are. Nobody is perfect.
There are two types of parents: those who never say a bad word about their kids and those who admit to periodically wanting to put the tiny human in a drawer and close it.
The first group is lying.
Chill, it’s normal. Kids that age are beyond exhausting at times, so just do your best.
Sincerely Someone with a 17 month old
My kid was a very colicky baby. Parenting is rough. The fact that you feel like a bad parent means you are most definitely not a bad parent.
Take it easy on yourself, I’m sure your boy won’t even remember it. As long as the kid is alive at the end of the day, your doing a great job :)
See parenting shouldn’t be done alone. Where is your support network?
My partner is out of town for work until tomorrow evening.
Stay strong! Ask them to give you a little you time when they get back and share this frustration with them. You’re doing great.
When our does the crocodile roll I let him go for 5 minutes and try then again most of the time he is not against the diper by then.
The yelling is not optimal, it’s because you’re exhausted. Perhaps before that happens it would be good for the dad to take over if he is around.
But the sleeping sounds like dream compared to what we have to do, every day it’s a 1-2 hours procedure :D
We change him on the changing table. That’ll obviously have to end. He was completely naked. My parter is out of town for work.
And the crib is a new thing. We had to do sleep training because he literally refused to sleep one night. We tried for over 2 hours to put him down. Then gave up. Tried the cry it out method put pediatrician recommend (this was round 3 of any sleep training). He stubbornly SAT up in his crib for another 2+ hours refusing to sleep. Nodding off and falling over. Finally slept sometime after 12:45am
The sleep training method I used was:
- get sleepy and relaxed holding in arms
- put in crib. Use words Naptime or whatever they typically hear at sleeping time. Rub back a few times. 1 min max. Then walk away
- cry a lil because you feel bad.
- put a timer on for 5 mins.
- at end of 5 mins, come in, pick up and comfort. Get their breathing to even out and get them relaxed again.
- put back in crib and walk.
- Cry a lil more
- 10 min timer from then on. A lil longer if you think they’re on the brink of falling asleep.
- do this cycle until it works. A couple of nightmare nights and then it should stick. Anytime you cave, you’re breaking the training and causing more stress.
Now I’m (M) able to put in crib, sit on floor, and shh until they fall asleep on their own with minimal crying.
Around month 10 our had a time where he would wake up every hour, this was the worst time, this is when I also forced the wife to try sleep training which was equally awfull, but it gave results so he would start sleeping longer and sometimes even be able to sooth himself back to sleep.
What I can say it gets better with time.
Also it’s the worst combination that your partner is away so you get no time to wind down at all during a difficult period, I really feel for you.
I used to call out ‘tag’ and hand the kid to my spouse when I was getting frustrated. Another thing thats possible is just wait out the tantrum. That’s a way of teaching them that tantrums don’t work to get what they want.
