Sorry this isn’t really a question
She doesn’t listen when i tell her how i want to be treated. I don’t owe her an explanation about why it hurts. It should be enough to say “this hurts me”. She never, ever changes her behavior no matter what i say. It’s always my fault when i get hurt.
Some people are like that, unfortunately. It’s never their fault, never their turn to grow and change. Most people expect their parents to be ultimate protectors and the ones to encourage their children’s flourishing, but many are often unwilling or unable to change as their children change.
Sounds like you’ve tried setting boundaries, and she just ignores them. The best thing to do might be going limited- or no-contact to protect yourself. Sucks that that’s the case, but part of having healthy relationships is meeting somebody halfway, and if she can’t do that, then you should feel justified changing the nature of that relationship.
One of my personal milestone measurements of becoming and adult is realizing that your parents aren’t ultimate “anything”. They’re just people like you are. They make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, but sometimes not. When each of us has grown up and has our shit together, there should be a recognition that they are not your superiors, but your simply your peers. I personally think this is healthy because it doesn’t hold parents to any high expectation, but also allows us to forgive their faults like we would our peers. Also as peers, you can choose you don’t want to share your life with them. Thats your choice as an adult.