So I thought I had figured myself till now. But I was clearly wrong…
So the last few days have been incredibly confusing as I reflected on my gender identity. I’m definitely a boy, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t want to go by any pronouns except he/him. The they/she stuff simply isn’t me.
I don’t want to dress up in a feminine manner (I don’t think I would be comfortable in skirts and thigh highs and what not…). Like… I haven’t tried that yet, but I really doubt I would be much interested in it. I like my current wardrobe.
HOWEVER, I want a feminine-ish body. Like… not boobs or anything. I find boobs quite repulsive. BUT I would definitely love to have a more feminine butt/dick. I like tucking, WHILE loving my dick.
I hate body hair/facial hair. The only place that I like hair on is my head. And while my hair is long-ish, it isn’t girl-like long. Like… the intention is not to look like a girl.
I dunno, it’s weird I suppose… Here’s one way to put it. If estrogen didn’t give me boobs, I would LOVE to take it. I would love to have a higher voice, better head-hair, and a girlier butt and dick. BUT I would still identify as a male while being in male-like clothes.
What the hell am I? I’m definitely not trans. I don’t think I’m a femboy, as I would hate doing makeup/wearing skirts n stuff. I’m so confused.
Oh, and I’m gay if that’s relevant.
No, it’s not like I need to define myself for anyone. It’s just that a similar term would help me find people’s experiences similar to mine. Cuz whenever I look up femboy stuff, it’s just girly clothing, makeup and workout. I don’t relate to the clothing and makeup in any way whatsoever.
I have an okay butt, but it’s just muscle-ey. Like… It’s a manly butt? The butt in my head is more fatty, which is a result of fat distribution controlled by estrogen.
The point is, while I may not perfectly fit in any category (assuming that there are strict definitions, which isn’t true), it would be better if I could see what people similar to me are like. Rn, I can’t see people similar to me in this context.
Oh n for the therapist, the answer is nope, cuz no money.