I have been trying out various therapy services lately (they all suck and do nothing, but that’s another topic). One of the things that the therapists always ask/say is if I do “self care” or tell me to do more “self care”. They talk about all kinds of different things that range from eating right to eating something as a treat to exercising to going for a walk to finding a hobby to etc.
So it seems like “self care” is literally anything that benefits your existence. And I’m quite frankly confused. I live alone and have zero responsibilities outside of work. Isn’t every moment of every day when I’m not working considered self care? When I go home at the end of the day, I have dinner and dick around on the internet. I don’t have kids or pets so there’s nothing else to worry about. I don’t have any extra responsibilities. My continued existence is “self care”. I don’t get it.
What I would understand in all of this is if I had maybe like kids or a sick family member I had to take care of. Is that who “self care” is for? People that have extra responsibilities? Because for those of us loners, basically our entire existence is self care. So I’m confused at what any of that is supposed to accomplish. I already do everything for myself.
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Perhaps it would be helpful to note what a lack of self care looks like?
My daily routine usually involves waking up, skipping breakfast, going to school (if I wake up early I kill time by doomscrolling on my phone), coming home, laying in bed (more doomscrolling), eating something, doing school work, and then going to sleep. Most of my free time is wasted on my phone and I’m usually stressed about at least one thing.
So what’s missing? Well I could spend some more time socializing, gaming, treating myself to meals I enjoy, etc. Personally, I have anhedonia so finding things I genuinely enjoy is difficult, which makes self care difficult. But self care isn’t just about meeting your basic needs, it’s about feeling good after you do it. It’s a little break from everything that’s stressing you out.
As someone that’s done a lot of therapy - self care is usually recommended because you’re not happy with how your life is. Think about what prompted that conversation. Did you describe an unhappy lifestyle? Something (or several) that has been stressing you out recently? Now think about what could help you feel a bit better, or at least give you a (healthy) break. It could be a bubble bath, visiting a cat cafe, going for a swim, etc. There are countless ideas online but it’s important to find something that changes how you FEEL. As other people have mentioned, self care is an important part of your daily routine.
adhonesia
did you mean anhedonia or what is this?
Self-care for me has a lot to do with intent. A good friend of mine calls most leisure activity “masturbating.” If all you’re doing is watching TV, scrolling feeds, playing games, etc, you’re technically being entertained, but you’re not really benefiting yourself in any way and you’re not truly engaged.
Alternatively, real self care is often meditative in some way. Something that you’re purposely doing to separate yourself from consumption and focus on your mental state. Even treating a morning routine seriously enough can count if you can work in planned time to meditate or similar.
I think it comes down to mindfulness. If it’s something you do without thinking, I don’t think it counts as self-care.
So I always imagine it a bit like this.
Imagine you are playing the SIMS, lo and behold you are your own SIM. But the objective in the corner doesn’t specify money, it specifies well-being and happiness.
Your SIM is only programmed to take care of their base necessities, but those will only get your well-being and happiness bars up about 20%.
What do you do to fill them up the rest of the way? Mind you, some ways to fill the bars will be counterintuitive, like exercise, or learning a new skill. Though it needn’t be those specifically.
And to make it harder, there is a diminishing return even on things that work, so you have to be sure to add variety, just a little, to keep the bars going up.
The most important thing, is you need to genuinely want what’s best for yourself. Not what’s most comfortable, but what’s best. There is no answer anyone can give you to what that best something is, you have to answer that for yourself.
And if all of this seems like stupid bullshit to you, well this is just my own opinion, to which I make no claim has it’s origin in the mind of greatness.
Actively improving your mental, physical, or spiritual state, as opposed to idle down time. Goofing around on the Internet is not self care, it’s down time. Working on a hobby doing art, or exercising is self care.
It’s a broad category.
Good health practices are the foundation–diet, exercise, hygiene, sleep, hydration, etc. Then it comes down to things that contribute to your happiness. Things that just kill time aren’t really fulfilling for the most part, you want something that feels like you’re actually developing some happiness in a more time-investment sort of way. This usually involves either creating or improving something in some fashion. What form this takes varies tremendously from person to person, for some its learning, it can be art, it can be gardening, it can be social activities, it can even be watching movies if you’re actively consuming, where you’re thinking and growing as you watch. Common with movie buffs who can break down the ins and outs of films, they acquired that skill by watching and thinking about lots of different movies. For a big sports fan, watching or playing sports can qualify.
The key that binds them all together is there’s something that can progress, something that you value that can be built further up or otherwise gained.
When they say self care, they want you to think about things in this way. Like, smoking a whole shitload of weed might be really enjoyable, but is there anything developed or gained there? If not, even though it might feel good, that wouldn’t be self care.
Mindfully identifying and meeting your own needs. Acting for yourself as a guardian might. Doing the needful things that will benefit you when you might rather just be a lumpy puddle.
