I had a coworker complain about how everyone is an asshole these days. I asked for an explanation. He said the guy at the laundromat last night was a fucking dick, and so was the server at dinner. Then, the cashier when he bought coffee was an asshole, and so was the bus driver. I asked him what was the one, single unifying factor that tied all those people together…?
I said it then, and I’ll say it again here: Markus, you are the asshole.
The number of people I talk to who mindlessly regurgitate the “fact” that “most people are terrible” seems to be going up. Most people don’t act like they think that’s true, but once you really internalize that kind of misanthropy, assuming every interaction will be negative is how you go through the world.
Your assumptions about the world greatly impact how you interact with it, and when you stop looking for anything good, you’ll only see good things when they’re shoved in your face. It’s easy to justify your general malaise because you tell yourself everyone is like that.
I joke around a lot but I want to say something very serious here.
I grew up like that. I assumed everyone was fucking awful and I was proven right time and time again. But one day I started looking for the best in people and it was so fucking hard for a while.
What I learned is that generally I remember whatever it is I’m looking for in people. Once in a while you’ll find several memorable assholes in a row. Once in a while you’ll find several amazing people in a row. But on the whole if I walk out into the world expecting everyone to be awful I’ll find a lot of awful people doing awful shit.
The other thing I learned is that it severely changed the way I interact with others. If I’m expecting all people to be shitty I’m disconnected and dismissive. But if I walk out believing humanity is mostly good with a few bad seeds I tend to be happier, connected, and friendly.
Obviously it’s not as easy as just believing one thing then the other. It’s a struggle to get out once you believe people (in general, or a specific race, or a gender, or folks with certain haircuts) are terrible because that’s all you’ll remember when you get home. You’ll remember a dude at the store was rude and a lady on the street talked shit while completely forgetting that a woman at the store held the door for you because your hands were full and a guy on the street discreetly let you know your fly was down.
Current political discourse certainly doesn’t help either.
Yes, things are going to shit (at least in the US) at speed. Getting upset at some random person (or even a large group) who might believe some dumb shit isn’t going to change anything. The people pulling the strings listen to the money, not to the masses and their beliefs, no matter how righteous or horrendous those beliefs might be.
And even if the people who believed stupid shit were the root cause of all the problems, unless you legitimately plan to eliminate them, you will at some point have to learn to interact with them to move things forward. You can’t just bully Trump voters into submission. They practically get off on that idea that they’re somehow the underdog. And like most people, they’re people. Not horrid monstrous troglodytes 100% through and through.
Can’t remember the last time I had an interaction with a bona fide asshole. Everyone seems to be super nice to me.
My ex on the other hand? Target audience for books like this. She has several books of this style. Everyone’s an asshole to her. Everything is everyone else’s fault. The entire world is out to get her. There’s a reason she’s my ex now.
I had a coworker complain about how everyone is an asshole these days. I asked for an explanation. He said the guy at the laundromat last night was a fucking dick, and so was the server at dinner. Then, the cashier when he bought coffee was an asshole, and so was the bus driver. I asked him what was the one, single unifying factor that tied all those people together…?
I said it then, and I’ll say it again here: Markus, you are the asshole.
The number of people I talk to who mindlessly regurgitate the “fact” that “most people are terrible” seems to be going up. Most people don’t act like they think that’s true, but once you really internalize that kind of misanthropy, assuming every interaction will be negative is how you go through the world.
Your assumptions about the world greatly impact how you interact with it, and when you stop looking for anything good, you’ll only see good things when they’re shoved in your face. It’s easy to justify your general malaise because you tell yourself everyone is like that.
I joke around a lot but I want to say something very serious here.
I grew up like that. I assumed everyone was fucking awful and I was proven right time and time again. But one day I started looking for the best in people and it was so fucking hard for a while.
What I learned is that generally I remember whatever it is I’m looking for in people. Once in a while you’ll find several memorable assholes in a row. Once in a while you’ll find several amazing people in a row. But on the whole if I walk out into the world expecting everyone to be awful I’ll find a lot of awful people doing awful shit.
The other thing I learned is that it severely changed the way I interact with others. If I’m expecting all people to be shitty I’m disconnected and dismissive. But if I walk out believing humanity is mostly good with a few bad seeds I tend to be happier, connected, and friendly.
Obviously it’s not as easy as just believing one thing then the other. It’s a struggle to get out once you believe people (in general, or a specific race, or a gender, or folks with certain haircuts) are terrible because that’s all you’ll remember when you get home. You’ll remember a dude at the store was rude and a lady on the street talked shit while completely forgetting that a woman at the store held the door for you because your hands were full and a guy on the street discreetly let you know your fly was down.
Your last sentence fucking nailed it.
Current political discourse certainly doesn’t help either.
Yes, things are going to shit (at least in the US) at speed. Getting upset at some random person (or even a large group) who might believe some dumb shit isn’t going to change anything. The people pulling the strings listen to the money, not to the masses and their beliefs, no matter how righteous or horrendous those beliefs might be.
And even if the people who believed stupid shit were the root cause of all the problems, unless you legitimately plan to eliminate them, you will at some point have to learn to interact with them to move things forward. You can’t just bully Trump voters into submission. They practically get off on that idea that they’re somehow the underdog. And like most people, they’re people. Not horrid monstrous troglodytes 100% through and through.
It’s like those people who say “I hate drama”, and then you see them going around creating drama. The call is coming from inside the house, Karen.
Can’t remember the last time I had an interaction with a bona fide asshole. Everyone seems to be super nice to me.
My ex on the other hand? Target audience for books like this. She has several books of this style. Everyone’s an asshole to her. Everything is everyone else’s fault. The entire world is out to get her. There’s a reason she’s my ex now.