Basically, I’m 25M and never had a real job. 2 days ago, my father just had a CVA and it’s at death’s door, having been the only income for our family his whole life. While he was a god awful parent to me, he did give us everything we needed, and he was a great dad to my sisters.
Now that he’s about to die, we not only lost our only provider, but he’s leaving us with a huge debt to pay (over 3M in local coin, around 3k USD) due to all the loans he took the last 2 years to buy fancy stuff for himself and my sisters, and being the older brother, it falls on me to bring the food to the table.
I honestly don’t know what to do at this point, I feel overwhelmed by all the sudden responsibilities, and running away isn’t an option, I can’t bring myself to leave my sisters and mother behind.
Yeah, this is way too complex for social media. You need an estate lawyer, yesterday.
Just beware of one thing. Depending on where you live, you aren’t responsible for your parents’ debts. So don’t make promises to anyone to pay them, don’t sign anything, don’t verbally agree to anything, period.
If you plan on trying to help manage the household, you taking on the debt is going to make it a shit ton harder. You already have little or no credit at your age, your siblings probably don’t either. Having massive debt, and the eventual credit ruination added into that, you’re fucked. Your mom declaring bankruptcy isn’t a pleasant thing, but as long as the rest of you aren’t on the hook for it, that’s the end of it. You and/or your siblings will be able to handle getting utilities, housing, etc in your names if/when you have to move. If y’all have that debt moved onto you, that may not be possible.
So agree to nothing. Don’t agree to pay medical bills, don’t agree to pay anything. I’m not saying you can’t pay them, you can. But don’t enter into any agreement with anyone to do so. Either just pay it, or give your mom the funds and let her.
It doesn’t matter who calls you, what they say, most places in the world, they can’t force a child to pay a parent’s debts. You would have to agree to it. Let them go after the estate, period.
Also, let’s be real for a second. You aren’t solely responsible here. Your mom is an adult, and as your siblings ages shift to where they can help (if they aren’t already adults), it isn’t all on your shoulders. Women are perfectly capable of contributing to their own household financially and practically. Not sure where you are, there may be cultural or legal reasons that change exactly how much and what type of help they can be, but it’s never zero.
Be a mutual support network. Don’t take it all on your shoulders, spread the weight around so that nobody breaks under it.
But first and foremost, talk to an estate specialist.
Considering 3 million dollars is more than most people make in a lifetime, you may want to consider default or bankruptcy, unless your mother and sisters are also looking for work.
How much do you have in assets?
They’re considering it, but my mom is already working herself off to maintain the house, and my sisters still have a future studying their careers and doing really well, so I’d rather keep them free to continue their studies instead of making them work too.
The comprehension in this thread is worse than usual. OP said 3 million in local coin or about $3k USD.
Thats cause he edited it
Is your “3M” three thousand or three million?
I ask because million is usually abbreviated as MM, and there’s a big difference between them.
3 million, but on the local coin. Converted to US dollars, it would be closer to 3 thousand.
Okay. That’s “better” ( still bad).
How does that line up with local cost of living? Is that a month’s wages or a year’s?
Taking my friend in account, who has the best job amongst us, he gains 220k a month, so around 1.5 years of his wage.
A stroke is very much survavable, but him surviving may be worse for everyone as now you’re taking care of an infirm person who can’t work and still has those debts. :(
Like others have said, get an estate planner.
We though the same the first day, but around 5hs ago, we were told that he has had micro-strokes for around a month now (we believed his sudden mood swings were due to his diabetes and high sugar), and that the big stroke produced a brain hemorrhage, which happened again yesterday.
He could survive, but neither us nor the doctors are so hopeful, since if his blood pressure increases again, he could very certainly simply die on the spot. Mom is already grieving and trying to make peace with it, but sisters are still hopeful.
Honestly, you’re fucked. gl tho
